Pizza of the Absurd

A True Story:

Dax (calling pizza delivery place): I’d like to order a medium Hawaiian pizza, for delivery.

Pizza Guy: I’m sorry, we don’t make the Hawaiian pizza anymore.

Dax: Hmm. I see that one of your toppings is ham.

PG: Yes, sir. Would you like a medium ham pizza?

Dax: Yes. I see that you also have pineapple. Can I get pineapple on my medium ham pizza?

PG: Yes. Is there anything else?

Dax: What’s the difference between a ham and pineapple pizza and a Hawaiian pizza?

PG: The Hawaiian pizza has cinnamon on it.

Dax: Could you sprinkle a bit of cinnamon on my ham and pineapple pizza?

PG: No, sir. That would be a Hawaiian pizza. We don’t make the Hawaiian pizza anymore.

Dax: But I can get a ham and pineapple pizza?

PG: Yes. Would you like any wings with that?

Dax: Do you have lemon-pepper wings?

PG: We have lemon wings, but no lemon-pepper.

Dax: Do you have any pepper in your kitchen?

PG: Yes, sir.

Dax: Could you add some pepper to my lemon wings?

PG: No, we don’t have lemon-pepper sauce.

Dax: I see. Could I order some plain wings with extra pepper on them?

PG: Yes, you can have extra pepper.

Dax: Could I also get some lemon sauce on my extra pepper wings?

PG: I’m sorry, the lemon wings don’t have pepper on them.

Dax: But couldn’t the pepper wings have lemon on them?

PG: No. The lemon wings don’t have pepper.

Dax: Could I get a half dozen lemon wings and a half dozen extra pepper wings in the same box? And could the delivery person shake the box up a bit?

PG: Our employees aren’t supposed to shake their deliveries.

Dax: I won’t tell anyone. Let him know there’s a good tip in it for him if he shakes the wings.

PG: I can’t tell an employee to break the rules, sir. You’ll have to shake your own wings.

Dax: And shake my own cinnamon, too, I suppose. Very well.

PG: That’s one medium ham and pineapple pizza, six lemon wings, and six plain wings with extra pepper. Is that right?

Dax: That’s correct.

PG: Would you like anything to drink?

Dax: Do you have anything with alcohol in it?

PG: We don’t have a liquor license, sir.

Dax: Pity.


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